So wow, its been a long time again. Where to begin.. I guess i’ll start where i left off. In my last blog i mentioned i had started to date someone we got engaged and then we broke up.  Well since then we have gotten back together and broken up a few more times.  Right now we are currently together.  Our relationship has been quite interesting  its definitely has had some issues for sure.  My family is not thrilled at all that i am back with him.  in fact they have said he is not welcome at the house, even if we choose to get married he will not be welcome at the house.  In some ways i dont blame them and in others i think they are going to the extreme.  He had made some stupid choices and did some things. He hasnt physically hurt me, but when we had broken up there was harassment, a laptop taken and destroyed.. yeah from the sounds of all this i know i sound crazy to be back with him, but things have changed he has made a serious effort to get help with his anger and learn to control it.  and Im working on the things i need to as well.  Things seems to be going really good right now and we are taking things one day at a time.  So that’s were my love life is at the moment.

As far as work, im still out of a job, im doing some babysitting for a friend but thats it right now. my bills have gotten so crazy that i just cant handle it anymore so im in the process of filing bankrupt. I hope that all goes thro well. I really did not want to get to this point but i see no other way.

Im in the process of seeing about going to a skill center school. i just need to  see about financial aid.  I would like to go and study Accounting and small business management.  im excited about that i hope this all goes thro.  and while im waiting on that im taking a few classes from a school of ministry this fall. the first class is called  The Life of Christ.

well thats where my life is at right now. im still helping out with the youth ministry too. well its late so i should go to bed. i’ll write more tomorrow about what all has been going on in the past year.

Wow it’s been a while since I have done any blogging.  I have decided that I miss it and that blogging seems to help me so here I am back again and with so much to catch you up on.  lets see… I got layed off at a job i been at for 10 years, met a guy in September started to date him, got engaged, we set to get married Dec 6th, called the wedding off, broke up with him last night and now not sure if what i did was right or not.  crazy huh?

lets start off with the job.  thing at the bookstore really slowed down a lot and there just wasnt enough work for 3 people so she had to let someone go and since at the beginning of the year i was talking about moving, the boss had then started to think about the store and how it would be with just two and decided that 2 people could do it and it would be more money in then out.  So she started to prepare for that and when i found out i wasnt going to move she then realized that she needed to lay someone off and that ended up being me   so my last day was i think august 12th it was sad i thought i would work there for a long long time.  but oh well God knows what is going on so I dont worry too much about it. Right now Im babysitting for some money and trying to find another job.  An office job would be really nice.

then in September i met this guy thro an online dating service.  turns out i have met this guy before in real life thro the bookstore, he has been a customer there.  So we started to talk, then we started to date and hit it off really good, we got engaged and got really excited and then all of a sudden things started to go down hill. we began to make poor decisions and things were just going really fast.  we were planning to get married on dec 6th. but then i started to really freak out and i called the wedding off  and then 4 days later (last night) i called and broke up with him.  now im feeling regret and thinking that maybe i based my decision to brake up with him too much on emotions then rational thinking.  i will go into this all more tomorrow, but for now it is 2am and i need to get to sleep so until later, God Bless… and if you think about it, please pray for me.

Well a week is up already and my dad is on his way back to work in the morning. The week went by really quick. This time he will only be out for 2 weeks instead of 5. I’ve got Internet connection back tho.
Today was yet another beautiful day. I sat outside at work while it was slow and did some reading. Tomorrow is my day off and im not to sure what im going to do yet. I dont really have much money and to go anywhere I have to think about gas prices UHG. So i’ll probably just end up staying home.
Oh I picked up on a project this week that I had started over a year ago and never finished. When I had heard a friend of mine was pregnant I thought I would make a baby blanket. Well I didn’t get to far and then my life was turned upside down on me. Well I was going through some things the other day and came across the start of the blanket and decided im still going to finish it and give it to my friend even tho it’s will end up being over a year late. This will be the second Baby blanket I have crotchet.

Well my Dad has been home the past week so i havent been able to get online at the house. He tends to use up all the ban withed Which has been really annoying, had to bring my bills to work today so i could pay them…So anyway I decided I would blog from work when it slowed down. You havent missed a whole lot, not much been going on lately. I fell really behind in my bible reading, but im not giving up, I continue to read.

Sunday night I caught up with an old high school friend of mine. Her and I went into anchorage to grab a bite to eat and watch the movie Wall-E. Wall-E was a super cute movie. It was a really nice evening for the drive into Anchorage too. We ate at TGIFridays, one of my favorite restaurants then we caught a late showing of the movie. Imnot really big on animation movies, but in the past monthI have seen two and enjoyed both of them.

Oh yesterday I couldn’t believe it! I came home and my Dad had gotten rid of another vehicle! He got rid of his blazer and that is a huge thing.. that was his baby.. but its been dead and parked for 12 years I think and he finally said he was never going to get to fixing all these vehicles so slowly he has been getting rid of them… thats 4 all together now this year!

I got a notice in the mail that my stimulus check will be coming this week. WOOHOO!! the bummer is, that its just 300 instead of 600. Still its money I didnt have before. Just cant put as much to my debt as I wanted. But im def. grateful for the 300.

Well its another beautiful day today seem we are finally getting some more nice days. Its been slow at work so I have sat out on the steps and did some reading earlier while no one was here. I’ll go back out again this evening when it slows down.

Well thats it, like i said not much going on at all. dont have much planned for this week either. Friday I’ll be going over to a friends house for a 4th of july picnic. I hope it goes well. Everyone one else that is invited is married so we will see how this goes. I think it will be okay.

Today has been an interesting day. Work was slow, but the day went pretty fast. I had some interesting customers come into the store today. It amazes me what people think a statue can do. I had a customer come into the store looking for a statue of a saint. I guess when your trying to sell a house if you buried this saint in the front yard your house will sell quickly. Interesting what some people will believe and the things the same person wont believe.

So can you believe its down hill to winter already, we are losing daylight again. Crazy! before you know it, it will be 2009!! Uhg time goes fast.. even when your not having fun.

So today we found out that my mother is now allergic to cherries. Never had a problem before but today she def had an allergic reaction. I was at church when my mom called me and told me she was having a bad reaction. Thought i was going to have to take her to the hospital, but thankfully the swelling stopped and didn’t close her throat up all the way. She is doing much better now.

Lets see what else… oh yes, My dad comes home tomorrow, he’s been up at work for 5 weeks now. It will be good to have him home. he will only be home for one week tho and back to work he goes.

Well thats it I suppose. I shall bring this to a close and do some reading before i go to bed.

oh yea i forgot.. my mom about a week ago came across a VHS set of season 1 Emily of New moon at a thrift store for like 6 bucks.. we watched it and have enjoyed it and thought we would look to see if there are any other seasons.. well it turns out there are 4 seasons all together and they are no longer avaliable… turns out the season we have on VHS goes for over 200 bucks on ebay because its so rare! hehehe so that was interesting news.

Wow, Leviticus is a hard book to get through, it’s so repetitive and boring! I’m 1/2 way through it. Its taken me longer to get through it so i have fallen behind a day on my bible reading. Im gonna have to catch up on Thursday, my day off of work.

So wow time has gone fast today, it is 2am in the morning and it feels like it should only be 11ish. Mom and I have been watching this tv mini series called “Emily of New Moon” it’s old. She found it at a thrift store and picked it up. Its done by the same people who did “Anne of Green Gables” Its not near as good, but its been some what entertaining.

Well of course today was a Beautiful day! because I had to be at work, and of course the moment I get off work, clouds came in and it started to rain!! It would be nice to have a good day on my day off! lol

Well like I said it’s 2am so I should get to bed, I open the store tomorrow. Im not tired, but hopefully once i’m in bed i’ll start to get sleepy.

Well today was my mothers birthday and we had plans of having a family friend come over and celebrating the day with an early dinner, cake and some games. Well my mom had a doctors appointment in the morning so while she was gone we needed to get the house cleaned up.. well unfortunately there was no “WE” involved I was left with all the house work today. good thing i had fresh start tonight, need to grab a booklet to process this issue now HAHAHA It just hard cause there are 5 of us living in the house and we are all adult… you think everyone can pick up after themselves? My mom has set out some “rules” Everyone pick up after themselves, and once you have dirtied a dish, wash it right away and stick it in the dish rack. WELL thats not being done at all by everyone. Now im on a “diet” and with this diet i dont really end up with dishes except for a dirty glass most the time and a fork and As far as know i have washed them right away and put them in the strainer… my mother is on a strict diet and all she is getting dirty is a glass as well and the blender. Well this afternoon someone looks at me today ( no names being mentioned) and says to me.. ” I’ll go ahead and do the dishes today so don’t worry about them” this was said in a tone like as tho they were doing me a favor!?!?! What I wanted to say but was to chicken to say is…”oh okay, well I already did my dishes” BUT nope of course i kept my mouth shut.. and of course the dishes didn’t get done until much later when I was doing them. Then mom comes home and says ” oh you guys thanks so much for cleaning the house” and everyone says “yup” ???? Its mom’s birthday didn’t want to go into it.. even if it wasnt moms birthday im sure i still wouldnt have said anything tho… UHG Someday I’m going to learn how to effectively communicate with my family.

OKAY enough steam blown lol So like I said today was Mom’s birthday.. so I didn’t stick to my diet very well today but I wasnt extremely bad either. We had a family dinner, then cake, and afterwards we played UNO. I did really bad.. I didn’t come in last tho.. only second to last hehe. Then I went to Fresh Start which was good, but I was tired so I didn’t get as much out of tonight as I have the past nights. But I have the notes and tomorrow I will go over them again and do the application part. Tonight I realized I hadn’t done any of the at home applications that are with the notes that we take home. So I want to look over them tomorrow.

Well that was my day. Tomorrow I get back to my diet and I get back to work. Not sure what else I plan to do. I need to organize my room, I have it picked up, but it’s not organized at all. need to go over my budget too… yay. Well I think im going to call it a night, go take a nice relaxing bubble bath and then go to bed.

Today was a pretty good day, for what i was awake for anyway LOL. I got up early this morning and decided to curl my hair, been a long time since I have done that. I was actually ready for church early today too. WOW hehe Church was really good today. Our assistant pastor spoke today and he gave a really good message. he talked about how no one is 100% correct on their theology. And he talked about how the bible wasnt ment to be a book to teach us theology, but how the bible is a record of the relationship of God and People. He spoke about how the most important thing is that We believe that Jesus is the son of God and he died on the cross for our sins and he is the only way to heaven. and as long as we all believe that, that is what is important. He spoke about how easy it is to base our life around 1 scripture and how so many other religions start out that way. They take one scripture out of context and then base their life around it. talked about how it is very easy to misunderstand scripture or people if we dont study or ask questions. It was a good word.

After church I came home and only planned on taking a 30 minutes nap.. well I didn’t wake up till 10pm!!!  Holy long nap!! lol I think my body is still trying to fight whatever bug my family has passed around. I havent felt sick, but when I woke up my body temperature was hot so, hopefully my body got rid of whatever it is before I came down sick!

So at 10 I woke up and my mother and I did some bible reading together, we are just about done with Exodus now, It been really interesting all the stuff I been reading about. One thing i notice in the book of Exodus is that our God is a God of details! wow hehe but that is really cool cause it means He pays attention to all things.. and that means even in our lives, we may feel that God doesn’t see something, but really He is a God who sees all and notices the details. I find it amazing sometimes how God will send a blessing my way in what I would think would be such a small thing that he wouldn’t bother with it, but because it mattered to me, it mattered to Him. I love it when he does that cause it remind me how much He does love me.

So tomorrow is my Mothers Birthday. We are having a family dinner with her and going to play some games and just hang out and enjoy the day with her. Then that night I go to Fresh Start and when I get back we will probably watch a movie. Unfortunately I am broke so I don’t have the money to get her anything, but I know she will enjoy the day of us spending it with her. I havent decided what kind of cake I’m gonna make yet, she like all different kinds she doesnt really have a favorite so its kinda hard to decided.

Something I have come to realize that I didn’t know I realized till I said it this afternoon is. You have to fight for what you want. That got me thinking a lot today and it is so true especially in the world we live in. If you want to be happy in life, I think you have to fight for it. Happiness doesnt seem to just land in your lap and stay there. yes I do believe that some days are easier to be happy then others, and some people tend to be happier then others. but I believe eventually at some point everyone has to make a choice and choose to be happy. I been doing a lot of thinking lately over the past month and about my attitude on life. I could very easy sit back and become a “victim” allow bitterness to take root in my life and look at every situation in a whoa is me. Like a friend of mine and I have often said, Church is very family oriented and if your a single person, it’s very easy to feel left out. Right now a point in my life where I really have to fight is when I see happy couples with new babies. At that point I have a choice…The easy one…Get mad, not be happy for them, and throw myself a self pity party. That one is really easy and honestly takes no effort at all. Now taking that road leaves me…Down and depressed, and it allows bitterness to take root and grow, bitterness bring death. Not Good. Or i can fight. I can look at the couple and be happy for them, Be glad that they have each other and their new exciting baby and Know that God is in control of my life and he knows the desire of my heart and I will not be forgotten and choose to wait for his timing which is best and know that as I choose to fight for the right attitude, happiness will follow… now this road.. its a hard one for sure.. BUT this road brings good things. There is Blessing among this road. It may not be at the first turn, but there is a great reward for this road taken SO thats what has been on my mind today. I been praying and asking God to help me guard my heart, I do not want to become hard hearted and bitter. cause its been said For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. So what ever is in our heart comes out of our mouth. Something they touch on at Fresh Start.

Well it was a SUPER slow day at work… yeah thats why I had lots of time to think. Today I did the closing shift. Usually on Saturdays I do opening, but the Boss had a meeting this evening so we switched shifts. After work I came home and watched a movie with my mom. We watched “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” hehehe love that movie…ahh thats what got me started on attitude with this blog… this movie had screen shots of New York .. Staten Island to be specific and I started to get a little down. Saw places that my Ex and I had been and enjoyed together and started to think how I probably wont see those places again and how I missed those times and his family. Started to get sad, but decided I really dont want to go to bed crying tonight, so Im trying to think on other things now and remember that I have a bright future ahead of me.

Which makes me think of something else… I been reading the bible lately.. doing this bible in 90 days thing and well the other day I was reading about Joseph and that story really stuck out to me from all the others right now. What I like about it is, Nothing can keep Gods calling away from you. When Joseph was a little boy he had those dreams that his brothers would bow down before him and even after his brother sold him and he ended up in jail and all the wrong things that happened to him… those dreams still came to pass. So that was encouraging to me. God is in control even when your life doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere.

WELL i have typed a lot and it’s past 11pm, i have worship practice early in the morning so i better get going to bed.

Today was a lot of fun. I did the journey day with the youth and we all had a blast. It started out with a little camp fire at the church. We had a fire going and we just sat there visiting while we waited for everyone to show up. Once everyone was there our first adventure was a long walk into the woods. That was a HUGE step for me today. I have not stepped foot into the woods for like 15 years. As a child I use to run through the woods just fine, but then as I got older I became afraid of the woods because of all the bugs. Well today that was the first event.. I was thinking oh great! then the youth pastor even gave me a chance to skip out on this particular event for the day by telling me I could process the paper work while they went on their trek through the woods if I wanted. but to my amazement I said,” I would like to go with you all” that shocked him lol Im so proud of myself lol I went on the walk with them and yeah there were bugs.. a lot of bugs.. lol But i kept telling myself.. they are just bugs i’ll be okay and instead of freaking out like i normally would i would just brush them off and i walked. YAY ME!! LOL seriously they may sound like a little thing to you, but if you only knew how HUGE of a step this was for me.
So then after the walk we all piled up in the two vans and headed over to the city park to play volleyball… another step for me.. not as big as the woods, but none the less a step.. i joined them all and played volleyball. Normally i would just stand on the sidelines and watch but today i didnt even hesitate and joined in. We had fun we played 4 games, the team i was on won YAY!.. not from any help of me LOL I think i touched the ball once LOL but still it was fun haha
after that we all piled back into the vans and we went to Carls Jr for ice cream, then we went to a river to eat our packed lunches. we then headed back to the church to let the youth go change into swim clothing and then we drive to another town to go to rock lake. There we made another camp fire. We did swimming and just hung out there for a while. after that we headed back to the church for some games out on the grass and then that was the end of the day. Thankfully the weather held out for us all day too.. this morning it look like it wanted to rain , but it didn’t it stayed cloudy but thankfully it was a warm day so it was actually really nice out.
So that was our first journey day of the summer. we have another one planned for next month and i hope i’m able to join them all on that one as well.